Thursday, December 2, 2010

THE ONE-TWO PUNCH

I don't like to write about things that are TOO personal. I try to separate business and my personal life (aside from my posts about thrift store finds, etc). But at this point, I feel I owe everyone an explanation.

As most of you know, I had to pick up and move from Portland rather quickly. Let's just say that was a bad situation that is now in my past, where it will stay. But although it's in my past, it put a rather large dent in my business.... one I hope goes away at some point.

Unfortunately, right after moving to California, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She is now losing the battle. We received some very bad news yesterday.... news I won't go into here. We as a family are facing some extraordinarily tough times ahead.

My mind has been so scattered - I go back and forth between anger, and the ever-present "Why US??" all while trying to maintain my business. Quite honestly, if it weren't for medical and everyday bills, I would probably close up shop completely right now. I must go on, though. I have a beautiful child to provide for and a house to maintain. The struggle is choosing to go on with life and be that provider, or stick close to my mom and let everything else fall my the wayside. I could not feel like LESS of an adult right now.

I'm struggling more than I can tell you. The thought of losing my mom - although inevitable - is unfathomable to me. I simply cannot imagine it. She is too young, too kind, and just way too awesome for this. She's my best friend.

Many of you have become my friends, and that is why I feel I must be honest about my situation. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to hide it.

Thank you for being there for me during the last few months. My life has been a whirlwind of drama, upset, and heartbreak. I've learned a lot about people and I've found strength I didn't know I had. I will be relying on that strength to get me through the next few months.

I will be working. It gets me through the pain and enables me to pay these ever-increasing bills.

Again, thank you for being a part of my life. My days are better because of it.

Love,  Lysa

The tattoo I got for Mom


22 comments:

Gypsycaster said...

I feel your pain luv. It's a devastating place to be, and I've been there too. All I can do is send you much mojo and support. I know it feels like the world is ending, and truthfully, a part of it is. But always think of her as she was, and as your best friend, and she will never really leave you. It may seem stupid, but whenever things are really crappy and I just feel like throwing in the towel, I can feel my mom there, hugging me...and then smacking my hand with a spoon and saying "get a grip girl!".
Just remember, you are loved.

Mrs.TattooedGeek said...

I am in the process of trying to compose an almost identical blog post myself. I am really sorry to hear that your life is going in the similar direction as mine. Every morning I wake up hoping today will be better, so far not so much. 2011 will be better for both of us, I'm sure of it! My thoughts are with you and your family.

hillary said...

Sweetheart I am so sorry you are having to deal with this and the rest you had to deal with recently. You can vent as little as much as you want but I know the wanting to seperate it. Sometimes it is so hard and you just want to scream it from the rooftops I AM IN PAIN someone listen.
I lost 5 family members this year and one being my Pop who raised me and it was unexpected and I don't think anything in the world can prepare you for losing a parent. It is awful too but I lost a bunch of friends in the process too who were too selfish to realize I was in pain and it wasn't about them.
Nothing anyone can say can make you feel better. But I can try and say that one day you will feel normal. It doesn't feel like it in the midst of sickness and pain. You are loved and admired and respected for having such an amazing and well thought out business. My heart goes to you and your little one.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry to hear what's happening to your mom... I almost lost my mom in 2001 due to ovarian cancer, and it's all be hell ever since. I just hope she has comfort and peace and for you to be there for her... let me tell you, it'll mean the world to her. I hope you all can still have a good holiday, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me.

Amber Dawn said...

Oh Lysa, I'm so sorry. When it rains it pours, but just know that you do have people who care about you and are here for you, whatever you need. We're sending good thoughts and prayers your way! Tell your mom she is in our thoughts too!

nicaeli said...

So sorry about your mom:(

My best to you and your family and I will keep you in my thoughts.

granattrichter said...

I am so sorry- I wish you the best.

The Peach said...

So sorry to hear about your mother. I can't even imagine what you are going thru right now. My prayers will be with you and your mother.

The Soap Sister said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom's illness. You and your mom will be in my prayers.

Hugs to you.

Jade Carver said...

Hugely giant enormous hugs.

Sarawen said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother Lysa. You will be in my thoughts. You are a talented and kind lady. Stay strong.

tandphorton said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I have gone through the same with cancer and lost my mother at a very young age as well. She too was my best friend and I think of her daily! Know that you have lots of people you can reach out to and love you! It is good that you do have your work to keep you balanced. You will find that you need something like that to help you cope. I know I did. Many Hugs and prayers are being sent your way!

The Morbid The Merrier said...

I have to tell you guys, I've not been able to cry until I read all these loving and beautiful comments. Now that's all I'm doing and that's a GOOD thing. We got more bad news tonight. This is all so rapid. Her cancer is very, very aggressive. Thank you a million times to everyone for your support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Haunted said...

Lysa, I'm so sorry to hear this. I will keep you and your mama in my thoughts and prayers. Much love. E

Jennifer Young said...

I was so sorry to hear about all that you are going through. I trust that you will get through this okay. Thanks for sharing such painful personal stuff. Big bear hug. xo Jen

kryptongirl said...

It pains me so much to hear you're going through this, I can scarcely think of going through this with my mother and here you are, being stronger than I can even imagine. There is nothing I can really say to alleviate any of your pain, but I will send all the good thoughts I have in your direction and I wish you and your family peace.

FuturePrimitive said...

God bless you Lysa...and God Bless your Mum too.
I can't imagine how you're feeling but I feel your utter pain reading this post. Be brave and be strong.
Deepest love to you all at this very sad time.
xx

Joanna said...

I love you.

She had the biggest blessing of all and that was having you by her side for her entire life. You both have such a strong and intertwined bond that won't ever be broken and the pain must be excruciating.

You are incredibly strong.

If I had powers, I give you all of my strength and calmness. All I have are ears and my open arms.

love you chica

Clara said...

Difficult times are tough, you have to stick to happy memories and remember the people you love. In that way they never disappear.
After my grandfather died, I found myself surprised to have forgotten all those times of pain and illness: I just keeped sweet and happy memories of him, and every time I think of him, it makes me happy.
Much love and strengh to you and your family, and remember you're not alone.
Hope you are okay,
C.

Retasu91 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ezephiel said...

It hurts me to read this, and I send all my best wishes to you and your family.
I hope everything turns out okay for you, and if not, that you find a way.

B said...

Aw, Lysa :(
My heart goes out to you; I just lost my grandmother to "surprise cancer" last week... I haven't been able to bring myself to blog about it yet though. On the one hand, she went quickly and didn't suffer through a drawn-out sickness, but on the other hand, I missed out on being able to be with her in her last days. I really hate that. I hope that things turn around for you and probably more importantly, for your mom, but make sure you spend as much time with her as you possibly can, just in case. I'll be thinking of you guys and sending lots and lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way <3